A Millennial Parent’s Packing List for Sending Their Toddler to Stay With Conservative Grandparents

There will come a time when you, as a progressive millennial parent, will find it necessary to send your toddler to stay one or more nights with your conservative parents or in-laws. This need arose perhaps because you have a wedding to attend or need a weekend getaway with your spouse. Perhaps you are traveling to a protest in an attempt to smash the patriarchy, or attending an essential oils seminar.

Whatever the reason, an important question must be answered: Aside from the necessities, what do you pack? How can you best innoculate and protect your child against regressive policies, ideological bias, and fascism?

Fear not,  millennial parent. This extensive packing list will have your child prepared and well-taken care of during their adventure with the grandparents.

Clothes

Choose clothes that are gender-neutral in color so as to avoid their grandparents forcing them to conform to traditional gender roles. As you know, your child may not have chosen their preferred gender yet. Consider labeling the clothes with your child’s preferred pronouns, or the appropriate gender-neutral pronouns.

Children’s Books

  1. Whose Boat Is This Boat?: Comments That Don’t Help in the Aftermath of a Hurricane by Donald J. Trump.
  2. Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Presents A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo by Jill Twist.
  3. I Dissent: Ruther Bader Ginsburg Makes Her Mark by Debbie Levy.
  4. She Persisted: 13 American Women Who Changed the World by Chelsea Clinton.

Creative Tools

  1. Angry Octopus Color Me Happy, Color Me Calm: A Self-Help Kid’s Coloring Book for Overcoming Anxiety, Anger, Worry and Stress (don’t forget the non-toxic crayons or washable markers).
  2. A xylophone.
  3. A tambourine.
  4. A kazoo.

Toys

  1. Sesame Street’s Let’s Dance Elmo (make sure the batteries are new and the volume is on high).
  2. A Fisher-Price Brillant Basics Corn Popper Push Toy.
  3. Hillary Clinton Plush Figure.
  4. Bernie Bear.

Important Reminder: A treat every now and then never hurt anyone. Remember to give your child cookies, candy, and/or ice cream immediately (organic, dairy-free, and gluten-free, of course) before drop off so that they are guaranteed to be buzzing right through naptime.

Bonus: This list is the perfect passive-aggressive response to the Trump-Pence 2020 sign in your parents’ yard or the time your mother-in-law reminded everyone last Thanksgiving that “ALL lives matter.” It will have your conservative family members running to a safe space as soon as you pick up your child.

 

 

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